Before you can understand why I'm conflicted you first must understand my drive. I have spent about 12 years in education with 8 of those being in administration. I spent 2 years as an elementary SPED teacher, 2 years as a middle school SPED teacher, basketball, track coach, and football coach. I then moved and worked a few months (literally) as a high school SPED teacher. ALL the WHILE, I knew I wanted to be an administrator. I left no stone unturned, no opportunity did I let pass me by. If there was a chance to lead, be apart of, or learn something from any experience, I was involved. I was promoted to Admin Intern within months of working at the high school. An Admin Intern is nothing more than an AP without the pay:) After doing that for a year and a half, I was promoted to AP. While serving as an AP, I monitored early bird, which were classes that started before the actual school day, I served as AP during the day, and night school principal.....YES, LONG ASS DAYS!! But I knew what I wanted!!! An opportunity came to lead an elementary school that had just opened. It was beautiful and had all the amenities of a new school. It even had mini lounges for students and staffs to work in. And it was working with a population of students that would allow me to continue to work with...low socio economic African American students. This had always been my educational life's work and my only experiences thus far in my journey had been working in these types of schools. So the opportunity to lead one, and a NEW one was exciting. Now mind you, I had only been an AP for a year, but over the past few years serving as an AP and Admin Intern, I felt like I had logged enough hours equivalent to 10 years as an AP. So I stepped out on faith and applied....and what do you know. After countless panels, and interview/interrogation by the Superintendent I was hired.
Yes, I admit initially I was in over my head but I learned the job and I worked hard at it. After three years (and a divorce) I wanted a change. I wanted to start over somewhere new and Atlanta was intriguing to me because I had spent many summers there as a child but had not visited quite as much as an adult. I even managed to steer clear during the FREAKNIC days:) LOL Atlanta was also looking for new leaders after the "Cheating Scandal". So I interviewed and was placed at one of the lowest performing schools in Atlanta. One year later........we were a Georgia Reward School for being in the top 10% for Highest Progress. It was hard work...it was a lot of work! What made it more gratifying was that I felt like I was changing a community that deserved better for its children! Children that looked like me and but for the grace of GOD, could have been me.
Which brings me to these new feelings..... I had an unannounced visit by the Chief Academic Officer on Friday and we spent, or should I say he spent, most of the time sharing his vision for me and my school. It was awkward because he was asking me to serve in a few different capacities for next year and that he wanted to provide mentorship to me, necessary to get to the "next level". This meant a great deal to me as I love smart people and I love learning from smart people, especially those that have DONE THE WORK and not just read about it. The fact that he had been a former Superintendent twice was also appealing because he had credibility. Later in the afternoon, I have a scheduled meeting with the Superintendent and my Associate Superintendent. This meeting was to last only 30 minutes, but the conversation was so rich and I felt so empowered (maybe because I am leaving) to tell her what I liked and did not like, that we spent almost an hour and a half talking. She gave me a huge compliment as she was leaving that meant a great deal to me because I felt like she was being honest, and she also told me that no one had ever talked to her like I did. Yes, I have been know to "push back":) Toward the end of the day, I received a phone call from my Associate Supt's aide who wanted to let me know how much my name had been circulating throughout the district the past few weeks and how much the Supt. enjoyed our conversation....As Ice Cube would say...today was a good day....BUT it wasn't over!
Shortly after that, one of my teachers who I had been counseling for a NEEDED career change/shift came and notified me that today would be her last day. Hallelujah!!!.....but there's more.
I am not going to go into all the details but a parent brought a students back to the school to alert me that she had caught him with the vacuum cleaner cord wrapped around his neck trying to kill himself. We spent about 2 hours talking about him, the family dynamics, resources, and how to heal the entire family. There were SO many moving pieces that Iyanla: Fix My Life would have had to devote a whole season to it.
After that I sat in my office trying to absorb the highs and lows of the day....and a few simple questions came to me....IS THIS WHERE I BELONG? IS THIS MY LIFE'S WORK/CALLING? WILL I GET AS MUCH JOB SATISFACTION THERE? WILL I FEEL FULFILLED?
I understand and do not stand in judgement of those who are taking this opportunity because they are fed up with where they are, or want to make more money, or think that it is easier...but my journey has never been about that. I have always wanted to do the right thing by kids and as a result have been blessed to be well compensated, even though I would like more. So my spirit is conflicted. Admittedly, I have not been in contact with GOD as much as I should have the past few weeks.
I'm somewhat amazed because last week I was so excited and wanted to pack and leave immediately! 7 days later, I sit and wonder....IS THIS REALLY the best decision for me?
